1.) Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. Life is transient. Dont just jump straight to divorce. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. But it needs to be on your terms. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). That's a lifetime story . The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. I feel for you and wish you the best. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Thank you. Exactly! Let that sink in. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. It sounds like her friends are shit. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. You deserve so much better than this. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. Period.. But try couples counseling and go from there. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk, and if she isn't she shouldn't be drinking. Fuck this situation. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. If alcohol was involved the first time she told them, maybe she was talking about it because she wanted to get a read on how her friends would react. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. That is why we married each other. She hurt you fucking badly. Lol see. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. Sorry if this is all over the place. Names have been changed. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. She needs to understand that at least. She feels bad for being caught. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. Id rather show my support. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. Whoa. Idc who they are. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Saying that it was simply too small. BS. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. That's the truth. She may end up escalating the situation. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. If you need more time to yourself, take it. Youre not overreacting. It mattered not, the day was mine. Well 1. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. She is trying to write this shit off as a mistake. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Best of luck. That should have been end of story then and there. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. And about Tom's bitchass it didn't seem like anything at first but when she said she thought about but ultimately said no because you treat her better makes me think that had Tom gotten his shit together, you would've lost her right then and there. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. That would be the end for me. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. The mmmhmmm's give that away. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. Its not an easy solution. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). Be open with her. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. Maybe suggest that. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Dont slide back to her. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). The second is more complicated: She does see bisexuality as "unmasculine" or an emasculating trait, however, you cant actively deny her feelings on the subject; theyre just her opinion on it. To at least one person. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. Your wife outed you. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Let her know how betrayed you feel. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. The text of the post has been preserved below. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Be kind anyway. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. Talk it out and see if she can commit to working on this need to put on appearances. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. Who actually believes these? She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Right? I probably wouldnt have. Has anyone gone through anything similar? That's plain shitty. It actually did make me feel a little better. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. It sounds like shes remorseful. And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. People aren't accepting where I live either. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. So many unnecessary details. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. This. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. She did not need to provide more information. She stopped criticizing after that. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? I'm sorry. Those so called friends are not real friends. "Hey babe, sorry I shit-talk about you and betray your trust. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. How long has she been friends with them? You and your wife decided to marry each other. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. Your sex life sounds amazing. I've been married for 21+ years. But something you might ask her about. What she did is not a simple mistake. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. I don't know where you should go from here. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. Or so that she wont identify you? You must not lose faith in humanity. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Dude, yeah. She has betrayed your trust. "My. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. She lied about your sexual taste 3. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. Just the circles I run in a guess. I had no privacy. I'm glad she apologized. Especially when there is alcohol involved. You are not overreacting. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. I would not have been able to control myself the same way no doubt. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. You took that better than I would have. Life works in a whelm of duality. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. About everything. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. It felt terrible. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. we're both 28. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Don't go broadcasting it. Go see a divorce attorney. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. This was betrayal. Your partner in crime fucked up. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. I'm not defending her actions. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. Youre not overreacting at ALL. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. Shitty situation man. Not buying it. She doesnt respect you, man. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. I would be so freaking upset & sad. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. I'm sorry you went through this. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Divorce her. Just talk. You know what Im talking about Im sure. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. No. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Ban the girls from the house. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. Thats so tough. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. People do stupid shit. I agree with this comment the most. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. To your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her calmed down have down. 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